The French love to kiss. They kiss everyone, family members, friends and work colleagues, but thankfully they do draw the line at kissing strangers.And yet sometimes they don’t kiss, it is very confusing. This kissing lark has caused me so much stress and embarrassment over the years, I dread to think how many hours I have spent worrying about kissing etiquette. On many occasions, I have meet someone one day and they ‘faire la bise’ and then the next time we meet I go in cheek to cheek and they hold out their hand for a hand shake…so embarrassing.
I have discovered there are four questions you need to ask yourself to perfect the ‘la bise’ skills. Quand?, Qui?, Comment? Combien?
Quand? (when?) Whenever you see your family members, your colleagues or friends for the first time that day. Once a day is the rule. If you arrive at work or at a party or the school gate start making the rounds and ‘fait la bise’ straightaway. It is considered rude if you don’t do this straightaway , but be warned it can take some time!
When does all this kissing start. Not at primary school. It starts the first day at collège (secondary school). There is no embarrassment girls and boys faire la bise with ease when they first get to school in the morning and when they leave in the evening…
Qui? (Who?) This is complicated. You need to take into account age, social standing and in professional terms the seniority of your counterpart. Friends and close friends are easy, you can initiate ‘la bise’. For acquaintances and work colleagues I follow a simple rule. Let the older or more senior person initiate ‘la bise’. Up until very very recently I would always try an ensure that I was the first person at any social event and even at the school gate as it is the person that arrives last who does the rounds to ‘faire la bise’. If I was the first person there I didn’t need to initiate anything.. just stand and wait for either a cheek or a hand to be proffered.
One hard and fast rule that must never be broken… NEVER kiss your boss, the mayor, or your childs’ school teacher. Very very bad form!
Men greet other men with a hand shake. Men greet women with a kiss and women greet other women with a kiss.
Comment? (How?) It depends. A general rule is, the more distant the person, the less body contact. With friends and close family you may actually lightly kiss them on the cheek. With anyone else just a light cheek to cheek is enough.
Combien? (How many?) The Big Question. It depends on the region and how well you know the person. In Provence it is three times bit in Brittany it is twice for everyone apart from close friends and family when it is four kisses.
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